The Fake News Observer

The Fake News Observer is a collection of short stories created from news headlines—just for fun.

BBC News: Italian island offers goats up for adoption

Izabella and Dantes’ hair flapped around in the wind as they watched the ferry approach the harbour below. The locals called it a harbour but in reality it was a concrete jetty capable of docking small vessels. The ferry was one of those small vessels. It could transport up to 50 passengers, and 3 small vehicles. On this particular trip there were 17 passengers, 2 cars, and a goat. Izabella and Dantes’ goat. It had travelled from an island in Archipelago, just north of where they lived in Sicily. Archipelago was a small island with a dormant volcano. Dante always joked it would make a great villain’s hideout. The island had a population of around one hundred people, and a goat population of about six times that. In an effort to stem the goat population, the mayor of the island was giving them up for adoption. Izabella had always loved goats, so when she was contacted out of the blue and offered one, she jumped at the chance.

Dante began to descend the windy unkempt slopes leading down to the jetty.
“I’ll get the goat, you wait here.” The boat’s boarding plank was lowered and tied to the moorings. And the passengers, including the goat, began to disembark. Izabella watched as Dante interacted with a small man. He pointed to the goat and then back up to Izabella. The small man looked up at her before handing over the red rope tied to a metal collar around the goat’s neck. Dante walked back up to Izabella with the goat.
“Izabella. Goat. Goat. Izabella.” Izabella patted the goat on the head. “I thought we agreed to call her Viola, after your grandmother?” Dante smiled.
“In that case, meet Viola. What’s with the collar by the way?” Izabella ran her fingers around the edge of the collar between the metal and the goat’s fur.
“The man told me they had to have GPS tracking on them to make sure they weren’t being sold for meat. It was part of the deal.” The three of them walked back up the dirt track to their home, just a few minutes away. It was a simple life in a quiet part of northern Sicily. Not much happened there and they loved that about it. Izabella worked as an environmentalist studying the sea life around the island’s coast, and Dante worked as a naval engineer on one of the large ships based on the island.

Over the next few weeks Viola settled into the family home. She did all the things goats usually do. She ate the flowers from Izabella’s flowerbed, much to Izabella’s dismay. The vegetables from Dante’s veggie patch. And made friends with the passing locals. It wasn’t long before Viola started to get more comfortable. She worked out how to open the back door and would often come in and watch TV with the couple. At first they didn’t mind, they loved that she wanted to be around them. However, things took a turn one night when the couple were asleep in bed, and Dante was woken up to find Viola staring at him.

The following day when Dante returned from work he found Viola going through his desk drawers, eating her way through the papers. He shooed her out of his office, and picked the documents up off the floor. They were from the naval ship. He tidied them back into their folders and returned them to his drawer. At that moment the front door opened, and Izabella walked in.
“Oh dear, looks like you’ve been viola-ted.” Dante rolled his eyes.
“Good one. I swear I’d locked these in my drawer.” Izabella shrugged her shoulders “Don’t look at me. I haven’t been in there.” As Dante picked up the last document something shiny under his desk caught his eye. He picked it up for a closer look. It was a paperclip… and it was bent out of shape.

Over the next few weeks things seemingly got weirder. Items went missing around the house. Cupboards and drawers would be found open. And Dante’s laptop was hacked. One evening, when Dante was in the kitchen chopping up vegetables, Izabella came in a little rattled. “What’s wrong?” Izabella went over to the kitchen window and clocked Viola amongst the flowerbeds. “OK, I know this is going to sound a bit crazy but do you think there’s something… odd about Viola?” Dante stopped chopping his carrot.
“Go on.” Again, Izabella looked out of the window to check on Viola.
“For example, do you notice how every time you’re on the phone…” Dante interrupted.
“Viola comes over like she’s listening in.” Izabella covered her mouth with her hand.
“A few weeks ago I caught her watching us sleeping. And not saying she picked the lock on my desk, but I definitely locked that drawer, and I found a bent-out-of-shape paperclip on the floor.” Their conversation was interrupted by a creak at the backdoor. The couple turned to see Viola standing there. The three of them stared awkwardly at each other in silence before Viola let out a bleat so loud it startled them both.

Later that night, when the couple were asleep in bed, a gust of wind closed the window shutter with a gentle bump, waking Dante. He got up out of bed to close it when he heard another sound. This time, it came from downstairs. He walked to the doorway and paused. There it was again. It was definitely coming from downstairs. He slowly creeped along the hallway and down the stairs. He made sure to tread on the edges of each step where they were less creaky. It was so dark he could only just make out his surroundings. Again came the noise. It was coming from his office. It sounded like the buttons on a telephone being pressed. He slowed his breathing and carefully made his way across the tiled floor. The perfect surface for a silent approach. As he got to the edge of his office, he could hear a faint voice. He moved his head closer and listened in.
“You must find any information you can. Pick the lock on the desk again if you have to. Just find the details of the ship!” Without thinking, Dante burst into the room, startling Viola, who was standing by the desk. She had her ear over the office phone, which was lying face up. The voice started again
“Is that him?” Viola stayed silent.
“You silly girl… agent 201457 has been compromised.” The phone line went dead, and Viola’s eyes widened like she’d seen a ghost. Her collar began rapidly flashing and beeping. She let out a terrifyingly shrill bleat before her collar detonated with a loud bang, and she exploded all over Dante’s office.

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